5. It perpetuates a myth and leads to our current state of it being so commonly cited on the internet with ZERO sources (much less reliable sources) where everyone just accepts it as true.
This doesn't need much expanding. Stop perpetuating this myth. Stop telling women infertility is their own fault. Start calling people out when they say it. Show them sources. Go look at the data yourself. I would go so far as to say this is one of the worst things women to do other women among the many ways people hurt each other. This one is done through thoughtful ignorance. Everyone who says this thinks they it is true, believes they are giving good advice, usually truly wants to help, and almost invariably fails on all accounts with no idea of how much damage they are doing.
The solution? Support women in whatever they are feeling. Understand that the basic stressors of life are not affecting fertility, and there is not a whole lot that the women can do to ruin her fertility as long as she has her basic needs of nutrition met. Remember that anecdotes are not evidence. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who got pregnant as soon as they stopped trying. Who cares? Many other people get pregnant on accident or on their first try or after two months. It takes as long as it takes. Reassure each other than we are doing the best we can, yes it is super stressful, and that is ok.
Whatever you are feeling? It's ok. It's enough. It's perfect. It's your journey, and anyone who tries to take that away from you, who tries to tell you that your emotions are invalid, even if it's coming from a place of love, needs to be gently corrected. Feel free to send them here if they need to see the evidence or have a third party explain to them why their help isn't very helpful, no matter how much you appreciate it or how kind a heart it comes from.
You do not have to be grateful to someone who is tearing you down. You can be gracious to everyone, and it is through gentle education and probably many reminders that this myth can eventually lose its hold over all women trying to conceive.
Other posts in this series:
1. The Stress Cycle
2. Victim Blaming
3. Woman = Uterus
4. Dismissing Emotions
5. The Myth Continues
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