So, we're trying to have a baby. It's a frustrating process, weirdly enough. Seems like sexy times should be happy times, and between me and G, things are great. My problem is with The Internet.
On one forum, everyone is absolutely absurd and devoid of actual content. It's all "wishing you baby dust!" and "my DH and I BD EOD and now that I'm 4DPO I POA HPT and got BFN." What the ever living hell? I realize lingo is part of what makes a community, but seriously? First, 'baby dancing' is the most ridiculous version of 'sex' ever. Can't we just be adults and talk about real things with real names? I don't want to drag through a million acronyms and wishes of baby-dust and content-free posts with fourteen quotes from other people with nothing other than, "Yeah! Good luck! Fingers crossed! Baby dust to you! Hoping for your BFP soon! Good luck seducing your husband!" as a response after every quote.
On another forum, which feels the same way about that ridiculousness, I thought I could find support. Last month, I got carsick for the first time in my life. After that, I had low-level nausea, extremely tender breasts, and other things that I'd never felt before in my life. I don't really get PMS save getting slightly cranky, and one I realize what's happening, I can fix it. After a week, I got some terrible, terrible cramps, and then bleeding at 24 days in my cycle. I've never had a 24-day cycle in my life. Before I got on the pill, it was 31-35, after the pill it's been 29 every month. The cramping lasted a full week with 3-4 days of pelvic tenderness afterwards. I mean, I wouldn't let the kitties lay on my belly. It hurt!
That forum's response? It's all in your head! You're too stressed out and sabotaging yourself! It's too early for you to possibly have any symptoms, so you're making it up! It doesn't count as an early loss unless you get a positive test! Bullshit on all accounts.
Even if the symptoms are psychosomatic, that doesn't mean they aren't real. I still felt them! They still existed! Psychosomatic != imaginary. And it still felt bad. The pain still hurt, the cramps still cramped, and the nausea still put me off my feed. Way to be supportive, women's group! Well done. I was anxious, sure, but so is pretty much every woman in this process. Could I be a little more zen? Sure, that's true, but having someone dismiss my emotions and thoughts and pain as "You're stressed. Get over it," is also not helpful. There are also plenty of women out there who do not necessarily follow the pattern of positive pregnancy test immediately upon missing a period. It's not super common, but a quick google search means it's at least common enough to have multiple questions asked about it in multiple places, which is a decent indication that it's not all that rare. I know my body, I know when my body is doing very strange, very different things, and getting dismissed and invalidated feels shitty no matter what the circumstances.
So, The Internet, I'm afraid I am not in you, or at least your communities. Thank you, actually, for sending me to my friends and family for support, which is new and rare and actually quite nice. Instead of being angry on forums, I will be here. Being angry about forums. I guess that's a little better.
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